"Salmarnir," means Psalm in Russian & this song is soo incredible. I thought I'd share.
Translation: The mighty one, God the Lord, speaks and summons the earth from the rising of the sun to the place where it sets. Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty, God shines forth. Our God comes and does not keep silent, a devouring fire is before him, and a mighty tempest all around him. Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty, God shines forth. He calls to the heavens above and to the earth, that he may judge his people: “Gather to me my faithful ones, who made a covenant with me by sacrifice!” The heavens declare his righteousness, for God himself is judge.
As much as I already love pipes and cigars, looking at that picture of Lewis makes me wish more than ever that I could sit with him in front of a warm crackling fire for countless hours of the night and listen to him spill and saturate me with all of his knowledge and wisdom on the mysteries of the world, while filling the room with the sweet smokey aroma of pipe tobacco and/or of a good cigar. My life would surely be complete.
If you're looking for a good book to read I suggest any of these + more I've never fell in love with words the way I have with his. He pieces them together so perfectly like a puzzle and paints such a vivid picture with them. His brilliance is beyond obtainable. I'm currently hung up on his book Mere Christianity and can't stop re-reading each chapter and dissecting each paragraph for the life of me.
Stevens on the other hand.. well I'll just save you some time & let you listen for yourself:
Probably the most soothing voice on this side of the planet. I feel like Zach Braff at the very beginning of Garden State, when the plane is going through so much turmoil on the outside and on the inside is filled with utter chaos and every passenger is losing their mind, yet there sits Zach in complete peace haha. His voice is like heavy medication. Although, I must say I never thought I would be a big fan of the banjo, but that was before experiencing the peaceful ambience that results from Stevens and his own. That's some true talent.
To combine both of these phenomenal qualities into one man would surely break the mold. For now, they are the only 2 that occupy my day and I'm more than content with it. For now.
There is so much more to say. So much more to write and discuss but that is all that I'm bringing to this dear blogspot. For now. :)
But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. —Romans 8:25
The title is pretty self explanatory, I'm struggling with patience like never before and it can be pretty unnerving at times. Just as everyone else, I've always craved assurance, the feeling of just knowing that something is right, and the topics may vary but in this case there is one in particular. I finally have, what I believe to be this different knowing feeling, and as wonderful as it may sound, it really isn't. There is a right timing and place for everything and if either of them are off it becomes WRONG.
Right now, I would have imagined skipping around being happy just to have this assuring feeling but instead it's really quite frustrating! I start doubting myself, wondering if I'm really sure, analyzing the crap out of everything and then wondering if I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. Yeah, it's great. Weee. I'm having to learn to just sit back, put it all in God's hands and not worry but trust him that he will handle everything and if this assuring feeling is actually as right on as it feels, then it will happen within the right timing & if not then something bigger and better will take it's place.
I was talking with a friend the other day and she turned on a song that isn't quite in my genre tastes but the lyrics were so right on my situation.
..And I have just googled the crap out of it and I can't even find the song nor the lyrics haha. Patience :) But anyways, the part that stood out to me went, "We speed up just to slow down." How true is that? We want to know how everything is going to turn out yet when the outcomes are unfolding we want everything to slow down that way we can enjoy it for longer. Or even relationships, we jump into things only to pull back the reigns in order to keep from diving head first into just a pile full of shallow emotions.
I discussed all of this stuff on my mind with my mom & it's really awesome because she has become like a best friend to me. She just listens and gives advice instead of having parental mode on lock 24/7. I love her and her encouragement, not to mention her wisdom gained from like experiences. She told me to just enjoy this time, wait & see, grow, and as always trust God in everything. And that's exactly what I'm going to try to do :)
This is going to be the most pointless entry I've ever posted and that's the best part. Right now I'm somewhat watching the Vice Presidential debate and loving every second of the personal commentary by my family. I seriously forgot how hilarious they are until now. My stomach is going to be sore tomorrow to say the least.
There are so many things coming up and so many things to look forward to! I'm going to officially be 22 in a week from tomorrow! Crazyness. But I'm really looking forward to this next year, I honestly think alot of great things are going to come my way within that time :). So along with my birthday I'm going to be spending the day with my favorite girls all at once, so I'm pretty excited about that:)
I'm spending Thanksgiving this year in a log cabin in the Smokeys = STOKED! Not to mention the food is going to be beyond freakin' amazing. I probably couldn't be more excited about that than I already am. I can already feel my stomach drooping to the floor and the immobility that comes with it.
My career plans have made somewhat of a changed & once again I'm excited. I have this great feeling of sureness in every area of my life, it's refreshing. Tomorrow Bridgette, myself, and hopefully Calie are going to carve pumpkins, or more so Bridgette will be carving and I will be failing miserably and laughing at myself. Afterward we are going to be going to Boll Weevil and then who knows!
Bright Move Of The Week: I left my straightener on while I was at work - 8 hours straight, came home and my room smelled like burned death. The plastic on the straightener melted off onto the carpet and if I hadn't gotten there just a bit sooner I'm sure the house would have been engulfed in flames. To top it off my mom goes out and buys all of this carpet cleaner thinking that it's just a stain haha. I tried to explain to her that the physical property of the carpet had changed, it's not removable but then I was reminded that my stubborness doesn't only come from my dad but my mother as well :) Anyhow I have to wake up at 4am to open tomorrow so I'm off!
I've found out so many things this past week that have pushed me to hating a certain someone, when before I thought I wasn't even capable of having such feelings. I'm struggling so much & praying continuously that God will take all of these negative feelings and bitterness out of me, but it's so hard just to know that this person got away with it all and has absolutely no repercussions. You will never waste my time, at least not anymore.
I don't know how one can live with themselves and look in the mirror knowing that their life is a joke and that they are the opitome of a hypocrite to the very beliefs that they stand for. The same beliefs that they were heartless to others for falling short of.
I found this verse and it's helping me so much haha. It makes me feel SO much better to know that the one who TRULY loves me, the one who stands by my side and will never leave me nor forsake me and never betray me, will ultimately have the last laugh in this.
The wicked plots against the just, And gnashes at him with his teeth. The Lord laughs at him, For He sees that his day is coming. The wicked have drawn the sword And have bent their bow. To cast down the poor and needy, To slay those who are of upright conduct. Their sword shall enter their own heart, And their bows shall be broken.
--Psalm 38:7
On a better note through all of this I've found some genuine ones :)
This past week has been utterly insane to say the least. I have been crazy busy on the go & on a high like never before, bouncing off walls & basically cheesing 24/7 - you would think that I've got a mild case of down syndrome. I'm so excited about everything to come in my life because for once I feel like I'm in control & the steering wheel isn't dropped into the hands of another. At the same time so many things are unsure and uncertain and thats what makes it fun, knowing that my fate isn't quite determined, that I still have many decisions to make and their outcomes to see.
Today was a day back to reality, yet ..not really haha. I was so emotional and cried over the dumbest things. I'm so thankful that I have the wonderful friends and family that I do because I don't know who else could put up with me on days like today when I'm a handful. I've even patched up and reconnected with some old friends that were missed more than ever. It has truly been a great week over all.
Some opportunities have been thrown my way & I'm taking the risk! It feels so different, to not be living the same ol' day to day routine where I knew what was okay to do and what wasn't. And now I'm out of that once thought "secure" comfort zone, and as scary as I thought it'd be, it's more freeing than ever.
And last but not least, I've gone back to my first love...
Right now I'm curled up on my bed with a blanket wrapped around me sipping on hot green tea in hopes of easing my firey red throat. Fall is in the air & allergies are slowly creeping up on me.
This morning when I opened the front door I could smell it and feel it at the same time. Autumn. It's so crazy how my life has suddenly taken a big turn and is now in sync with the approaching season.
I've made some big decisions recently. I realized how I'm not going to give in to complacency and settle, and that life only has the boundaries that you set yourself. Anything is possible. So just as the Autumn leaves, some pieces of my life are dying off, fading off only to be replaced with new healthier pieces in the appropriate timing. And the whole process couldn't be more beautiful.
I dreaded the whole decision process but once I figured I had to do what I had to do an enormous burden was lifted off of me. I honestly haven't felt this happy, this carefree, and this free spirited in ...I honestly don't know when!
I thank God for my friends because during this past trying time, they literally didn't leave my side. There wasn't a single moment that one of them didn't lend an ear and offering endless encouragement. Even more so, last night was the first night since all of this that I fell asleep alone without one of them there by my side comforting me. They are amazing and I have truly learned this weekend just how irreplaceable each of them truly is.
Each of them shared plenty words of wisdom so here are some that really stood out to me: - You've got to trim the fat from your life to remain strong. - Don't surround yourself with people who tolerate you, but with people who celebrate you. - Drop the weighted people that bring you down. - Every relationship has to be give and take, half and half.
Early this morning I was getting ready for work, rummaged through my drawer and found 1 of probably 10 pairs of Christmas socks and quickly slipped them on. It was in this short split moment where I realized the exact line where I'd been going wrong and where disappointment was getting the best of me. I'd been celebrating things in my life before their appropriate timing, things that were in the far future and only thought and assumed to be in the future. I was so certain that these certain events would take place and had somehow set them in some sort of non existant stone in my brain.
Sufjan couldn't have summed it up better in his song "Holland."
..Counting miles before we set Fall in love and fall apart Things will end before they start..
I've now learned to embrace this new found chaos that each new day of my life brings and love each second of it instead of feeling unsure and unstable. I feel so refreshed, like I've started a whole new life.
I'm going to travel this Earth, see all that it offers. See all I need to see and find all that I need to find.
So many updates within 1 week: -I was officially certified monday - Work has become my life but I'm enjoying it MUCH more than before - I made 45 bucks in tips = awesome - My brothers dog was sadly given away to a nice family in aiken today - Unfortunately speed bumps were put in the road near my house - & I made friends with a guy in the mafia..no but really, I did.
So i got my paychecks..even though I have yet to deposit them but I've already made up my mind what I'm doing with the remainder after the bills: -car wash -oil changed -make up -taking maxwell to arbys -new jeans
I'm so stoked about autumn coming up! Getting pumpkin spice back today at work was the thing to set it off :) I love cold weather, the warm colorful leaves, the smell of of burning fireplaces, apple cider, and good spice candles! It's almost unbearable I want it to hurry up.
But I got to cut this short since I'm waking up around 4:30ish :/ Got to open tomorrow at 5:30am
I completely take back the line where I said that I would have so much time to myself. I've been working so much lately & the time that I have off I'm either spending with my beau or thinking.
Lately I've found myself thinking about a lot. A lot about life, about my once "ideal" life. At the coffee shop I see many young fresh highschool faces. I was sweeping one day this week and overheard a couple of their conversations. It's so crazy to remember being that age and what was of such great importance at that time and how hardly any of those priorities remain. I see now what a complete different person I am, and in such a good way, yet I can honestly say I had some really awesome friends, both guys & girls alike. Not that I don't now, I just miss some of them and how tight knit we all were. I miss that sometimes.
I had so much planned out at that age. I would have honestly not seen myself here from that age stand point, yet I guess thats the way it goes. Although everything hasn't gone according to plan, or nothing like the plan to be quite frank, I can honestly say I'm happy. I love the people in my life, and how everything has gone for the most part.
After all this thinking I've been doing lately, I've begun to really see myself for who I am, my flaws, my strengths, and who I am as a person. It's crazy to think that in almost 22 years, I'm just now truly seeing myself from my own eyes. For awhile I was comparing myself, my life, and my accomplishments to others, which I found to be completely idiotic of me. No 2 lives are going to be anything remotely alike + one always compares their lowest to someone elses best. I'm happy with who I am, where I am, who's with me, and where I'm going. I've learned to let go of the what if's & buts, which were torturing and unbearable at times.
On another note: my bed is the most comfortable it has been in a long time & my eye lids now feel like they are lifting 5lbs each. That's my cue! Also, if anyone is reading this please say a quick prayer for my mom. She's having difficulties with high blood pressure.
I would be lying if I said this whole blogspot ordeal was completely new. I've had this thing for over a year and a half now yet always manage to write in it once or twice, slack, forget about it, and 6 months later randomly remember that I have completely abandoned this thing. But for now, (at least I'm hoping) to keep this up!
I realized looking ahead and in the present moment, it seems as if things will never change, or as if they are doing so at such a slow pace. Yet, when looking back in the rear view, everything has changed drastically just within a couple of weeks! I'm hoping to capture where and when exactly these changes take place :). We will see.
This weekend my brother came down from Atlanta and luckily I had it all off from work. I cannot describe to you the fulfillment, the complete wholeness that I feel when all of my family is together. It's such a good feeling. Even when one person is missing, it doesn't feel quite complete. It's awesome. I thank God for this weekend, I needed it!
This week is the start of a lot of my own time, down time. Everyone is starting back to full time work or school, and lucky me I don't start back classes until October 1st :), although I do still have my job. At first I got somewhat sad thinking how summer is coming to a complete close, after all summer isn't the same without friends and family. Yet, I now have more than enough time to do the things I need & want to do. I can now finish reading all the books that I have began, more time for painting, more time for writing, and more time for reflection. There are some things I need to get together, some things I have to do for myself and hopefully this time will be perfect for just that :)
I'm a tiny 23 year old lady with big dreams, big hopes, big ideas & a big heart. I enjoy anything out of the norm & anything that challenges me in any shape or form.
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