Vengeance

I've found out so many things
this past week that have pushed
me to hating a certain someone,
when before I thought I wasn't even
capable of having such feelings.
I'm struggling so much & praying
continuously that God will take
all of these negative feelings
and bitterness out of me, but it's
so hard just to know that this person
got away with it all and has absolutely
no repercussions. You will never waste
my time, at least not anymore.



I don't know how one can
live with themselves and look in the mirror
knowing that their life is a joke and that
they are the opitome of a hypocrite to the
very beliefs that they stand for.
The same beliefs that they were heartless to
others for falling short of.

I found this verse and it's helping me
so much haha. It makes me feel SO much better
to know that the one who TRULY loves me,
the one who stands by my side and will never
leave me nor forsake me and never betray me,
will ultimately have the last laugh in this.

The wicked plots against the just,
And gnashes at him with his teeth.
The Lord laughs at him,
For He sees that his day is coming.
The wicked have drawn the sword
And have bent their bow.
To cast down the poor and needy,
To slay those who are of upright conduct.
Their sword shall enter their own heart,
And their bows shall be broken.

--Psalm 38:7

On a better note through all of this
I've found some genuine ones :)

Highs & Lows and What Runs Between

This past week has been utterly insane to say the least.
I have been crazy busy on the go & on a high like never before,
bouncing off walls & basically cheesing 24/7 - you would think
that I've got a mild case of down syndrome. I'm so excited about
everything to come in my life because for once I feel like I'm in
control & the steering wheel isn't dropped into the hands of another.
At the same time so many things are unsure and uncertain and thats
what makes it fun, knowing that my fate isn't quite determined, that
I still have many decisions to make and their outcomes to see.

Today was a day back to reality, yet ..not really haha.
I was so emotional and cried over the dumbest things.
I'm so thankful that I have the wonderful friends and family
that I do because I don't know who else could put up with
me on days like today when I'm a handful. I've even patched up
and reconnected with some old friends that were missed more than ever.
It has truly been a great week over all.

Some opportunities have been thrown my way & I'm taking the risk!
It feels so different, to not be living the same ol' day to day routine
where I knew what was okay to do and what wasn't. And now I'm out of that
once thought "secure" comfort zone, and as scary as I thought it'd be,
it's more freeing than ever.

And last but not least, I've gone back to my first love...


Running :)

Christmas Socks in September.

Right now I'm curled up on my bed with
a blanket wrapped around me sipping on hot
green tea in hopes of easing my firey red
throat. Fall is in the air & allergies are
slowly creeping up on me.

This morning when I opened the front door
I could smell it and feel it at the same time.
Autumn.
It's so crazy how my life has suddenly taken a
big turn and is now in sync with the
approaching season.

I've made some big decisions recently.
I realized how I'm not going to give in to
complacency and settle, and that life only has the
boundaries that you set yourself.
Anything is possible.
So just as the Autumn leaves,
some pieces of my life are dying off, fading off
only to be replaced with new healthier pieces
in the appropriate timing.
And the whole process couldn't be more beautiful.


I dreaded the whole decision process but once
I figured I had to do what I had to do
an enormous burden was lifted off of me.
I honestly haven't felt this happy, this carefree,
and this free spirited in
...I honestly don't know when!

I thank God for my friends because during this
past trying time, they literally didn't leave my side.
There wasn't a single moment that one of them didn't
lend an ear and offering endless encouragement.
Even more so, last night was the first night since all of this
that I fell asleep alone without one of them there by
my side comforting me. They are amazing and I have
truly learned this weekend just how irreplaceable
each of them truly is.

Each of them shared plenty words of wisdom so here are
some that really stood out to me:
- You've got to trim the fat from your life to remain strong.
- Don't surround yourself with people who tolerate you, but
with people who celebrate you.
- Drop the weighted people that bring you down.
- Every relationship has to be give and take, half and half.

Early this morning I was getting ready for work,
rummaged through my drawer and found 1 of probably
10 pairs of Christmas socks and quickly slipped them on.
It was in this short split moment where I realized the exact line
where I'd been going wrong and where disappointment was getting
the best of me. I'd been celebrating things in my life
before their appropriate timing, things that were in
the far future and only thought and assumed to be
in the future. I was so certain that these certain
events would take place and had somehow set them in some sort of
non existant stone in my brain.

Sufjan couldn't have summed it up better
in his song "Holland."

..Counting miles before we set
Fall in love and fall apart
Things will end before they start..



I've now learned to embrace this new found chaos that
each new day of my life brings and love each second of it
instead of feeling unsure and unstable.
I feel so refreshed, like I've started a whole new life.

I'm going to travel this Earth, see all that it offers.
See all I need to see and find all that I need to find.